ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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