walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
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I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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