dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
