Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
