you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
