I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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