Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
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