So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
