i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
