My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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