Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Your penis caused this!
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