That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
