I showed him my bush... on skype.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
