Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
