I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
