so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
