One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
