that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
