fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
