so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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