He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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