I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
