I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
