I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
