maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
