Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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