We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
