Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
