thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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