what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
