They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
