I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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