I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You may now shotgun with the bride
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
