Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When did angry sex become our thing?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time