He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team