Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.

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  (816): I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins. http://tfl.nu/76g5
  Replies (8) Good night (3086) Bad night (596)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.

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  (614): just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use. http://tfl.nu/fu5v
  Replies (25) Good night (4202) Bad night (1218)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.

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  (303): Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me. http://tfl.nu/hog8
  Replies (3) Good night (1088) Bad night (2521)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?

  (1-740): View more from Ohio

  2.5

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  (740): How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement? (1-740): 2.5 http://tfl.nu/yjjp
  Replies (7) Good night (4601) Bad night (1087)
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  (415): View more from California

  Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in

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  (415): Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in http://tfl.nu/whuh
  Replies (14) Good night (4666) Bad night (2284)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.

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  (615): It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying. http://tfl.nu/pvsa
  Replies (8) Good night (1420) Bad night (1978)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you

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  (315): I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you http://tfl.nu/9k47
  Replies (8) Good night (2398) Bad night (1072)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.

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  (914): He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared. http://tfl.nu/k0z7
  Replies (11) Good night (2126) Bad night (605)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.

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  (720): I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice. http://tfl.nu/c8dh
  Replies (9) Good night (1252) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.

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  (503): Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck. http://tfl.nu/hc6u
  Replies (10) Good night (1307) Bad night (593)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.

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  (603): Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj. http://tfl.nu/n7sy
  Replies (6) Good night (1190) Bad night (414)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.

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  (570): Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home. http://tfl.nu/ff77
  Replies (1) Good night (617) Bad night (269)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th

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  (307): Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th http://tfl.nu/6ns8
  Replies (5) Good night (673) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it

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  (316): Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it http://tfl.nu/i3st
  Replies (5) Good night (1427) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR

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  (201): SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR http://tfl.nu/5bz9
  Replies (0) Good night (472) Bad night (399)

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