The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
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I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."