the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My liver is preforming stress tests.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
