Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
