I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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