I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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