Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have fence marks all over my body
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
