Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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