I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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