I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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