well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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