omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
