Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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