Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
