My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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