I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
