what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
