Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
