Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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