i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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