So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
