I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
