Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
