life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You left your underwear on the fireplace
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
