this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
