drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize