Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
