Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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