I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
