I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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