I cockslap morals
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
