So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
