When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
