Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
