he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
