i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
