i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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