how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
