hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
