I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
