id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
