i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
