; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize