SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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