watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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