I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
