I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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